Root down to find stability - our intention this past week. I thought of this intention after spending two weeks at home in New Jersey. At home I felt secure, connected. I knew I had missed connection during Quarantine, but I didn't realize just how much! I felt like I could carry these feelings into my life in Boston, that being home would be a catalyst to feeling better in general. I hoped the intention would help carry me into that space, and I felt it would resonate with others.
Then I drove back to Massachusetts, 4.5 hours without air conditioning (a.k.a the definition of misery). It only took a few hours back in Boston for me to feel more of the same as before I left: totally unrooted. I didn't know how to get back to my feelings security.
I have roots here, but it feels like they've all been taken away. We all lost a lot in March. I lost the ability to be with my students in the classroom and to laugh/collaborate with my co-workers. I also lost the ability to teach and practice at my yoga studio. That yoga studio was the place that brought me yoga, when I felt exhausted of options, anxious to the core and in need of a lifeline. It was the place where I trained to be a yoga teacher, and where I met so many incredible people that made this big city feel like a small home. I grieve for all that has been lost. I know these things will return in some way, but I don't know when or how it will look.
I try to practice non-attachment (aparigraha). The above may sound like I'm attaching to those places. Yes, certainly, in a way. I think though that there is power in a building, a literal place to go. A building is a structure, and we use that word in our daily life to describe routines. Routines keep us moving in direction toward our purpose. The building is a place we can go to gather with others. All of these things keep us on a positive track. During this time we lost the buildings, and that's a big deal; a big change in routine, purpose, and connection.
Right now, not a lot feels solid, at least not for very long. When we think of ways to fix it, these immense roadblocks get in the way. Normally when we encounter an obstacle, there is more that is solid beneath our feet.
I have never struggled with an intention more than this one! As I continue to struggle with it, I offer you what has brought me the most peace: We must move forward. Keep going, just be IN every moment. Yes, even if we feel terrible in that moment, BE there. That's where we find the answers. Teeny, microscopic steps forward count as well. Steps backward teach us something. Grieve for what we've lost, find the GOOD in the space that was created from that loss.
Just. keep. going. Believe in every step, we'll feel our roots sometime soon. We must remain hopeful <3