For a long time, my life was stagnant. Now, it's over-flowing.
The work between the stagnation and the flow is the important part. Once you get to the flow, it just...flows.
Today I want to share about how life has been flowing lately. Not to say, "look at all the things I'm doing" - rather to show you all the things YOU can do once you work through the stagnation. Because when you work through it, I mean REALLY work through it just hits different.
Remember - time is your friend. For reference, it took about 7 years for me to fully arrive to this flow. When the time is right, the things will happen. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
When I first noticed the feeling of flow, it was February of 2022. I was at home in New Jersey for my year off. After 6 months at home, I was finally hitting my stride. I had spent so much time with family, reading, writing, practicing yoga, walking barefoot outside. I had made a committment to walk a mile everyday. And for the first time, I had spoken to my inner-child. I know that sounds wild, but it's really just having a conversation with your old self. I would love to share about that in a separate blog post. As I fufilled my committments, moved more, and took care of my inner-child, I found I was able to do even more difficult things. As an empath (someone who can be physically affected by other people's feelings) I noticed that intensity became easier to shut off, and I was able to fill that space with a healthier pattern of thought.
I began to become the person I always wanted to be (the person I always was inside). My dad helped me get a better grasp on my finances, my mom gave me gardening lessons, and they both reminded me of my strong roots. Together, we started making moves on what my healthy life would look like post-"Nature Camp"year off. I made a choice to move back to Massachusetts, with a serious committment to change the things that were not working. I sought an apartment that would give me more than my tiny Boston one. That apartment was near a yoga studio I had heard amazing things about. Everything was carefully orchestrated on my end, and when I arrived I noticed how much the universe had been conspiring alongside me the entire time.
Now that I've just finished two years of that carefully orchestrated life, I can tell you that I am still filled with so much gratitude for it every. single. day. The apartment has been a sanctuary, the yoga studio a second home. And always, my JFY community present through it all. My chosen and given family is strong.
The first year back was all about gaining my footing, I didn't know what I was doing half the time. I doubted my choices, but I kept moving and made way for the things I wanted to see for my future. In that first year,l I applied to take grad classes through a grant at my school. I was accepted, so in my second year I worked really hard to complete those classes. It was exhausting, but the whole time I just reminded myself of the future I was building. It was the first time in awhile that I focused on advancing my career as a classroom teacher over a yoga teacher. Though I felt pulled between all my passions/responsibilities, I enjoyed being an academic student again. I learned tons of ways to support my classroom teaching - I'm glad I did it, and I'm glad it's over!!
As soon as I finished, it felt like the showtime curtain opened for all my yoga dreams. I immediately worked on the website, wrote a blog, started my emails back up. I started preparing for Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training at Hometown Sweat. As a reminder that you have to keep working toward the next thing while you're in the current thing - I started conversations with Maria, the owner of Hometown Sweat, about YTT when I was just at the beginning of my grad classes. It felt daunting at the time, but I let my passion and vision of being a leader in my field pull me forward.
Now that I've given you a background to all things flow in my life lately, I want to talk specifically about how I prepared this summer for YTT - which starts in 3 weeks!!
Teaching teachers is different than teaching students, and I knew I had to begin preparing for that change in perspective. One approach was to really dive into Vinyasa classes, as many as I could, in as many places as possible. The reason for this was two-parted. I wanted to get a pulse on what was happening for students of Vinyasa, and how that could inform my approach to teaching teachers. I also wanted to develop my personal asana (pose) practice, which had been on the back-burner for awhile. This was because there was SO much I needed to do off the mat and I chose to prioritize that. Learning deeply about the philosophy; reading like crazy all about how to apply it. I practiced asana, yes, but I was not disciplined about it like I was about the off the mat work.
To prepare, I also read and organized the YTT materials. Thanks to Maria's support, I did not have to create all the materials from scratch. But I did spend many hours reading through everything, making packets, folders, schedules for myself! Every time I prepared something I felt like there was something else waiting, until I finally said, wait...you're getting ahead...at some point you need to just stop and let it be :)
The best way to know something is to teach it, and I am entering a new era of my yoga career, where I am now teaching teachers. Vinyasa is newer to Hometown Sweat and it feels so cool to be on the ground-level of building it out.
I'm not nervous because I know this amazing group of 13 people will be open, loving, and patient with me. I'm not nervous because I've learned that I don't have to be perfect in my teaching, or in my life. I'm not nervous because I know I have taken the time to prepare to the best of my ability. I'm not nervous because I know I always give my all to things that are important to me (no halfway!!).
Questions to consider:
What does "flow" mean to you in your own life? How do you recognize when you’re in a state of flow, and what practices help you maintain it?
How have your relationships with family or friends influenced your journey toward finding flow? Who or what has been a crucial support system for you?'
As you enter new phases in your career or life, how do you prepare for the unknown? How do you manage feelings of doubt or uncertainty?
I'll leave you with the inspiration for the title of this blog, which YES is from Frozen II.
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath
This next step
This next choice is one that I can make
With Love,
Christina
Some photo thoughts:
I love this journal entry from 2007. I have learned so much over the years as a teacher, and it took a really long time to arrive at my current mentality of not needing to be perfect.
For example, this is a journal entry from 2013 when I switched from teaching 8th grade at the high school to 7th grade at the middle school. I still thought I could do things perfectly, and judged myself when I fell short. By 2015, this landed me in an ever-growing place of anxiety and eventually depression.
Fast-forward to 2024, I am ready to start this massive undertaking - IMPERFECTLY
My very busy August ... full of developing my personal asana practice!
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