Updated: Feb 19
For a long time I used to be anywhere but the present. Usually my mind was thinking about all the different dynamics in the room. Searching for ways to make people feel comfortable, avoid confrontation, avoid sadness. It got to the point where I couldn't relax in the present at all. I didn't even know how to BE present. I knew what it meant, but I never practiced it, so it never happened. As time caught up with me, this resulted in sudden feelings of panic. Sudden moments where I wasn't sure my feet were firmly on the ground. I started wondering if there was a purpose to life. What was I attached to? If I fall, what happens?
Enter yoga. It gave me the opportunity to feel that groundedness. As I practiced more and more, I began to understand how to be present. It's a muscle, remember.
Santosha, contentment, is not "settling". It's being ok with where you are. Being IN where you are. And keeping your eye to future. The key I'm realizing is that the future is best planned during quiet moments when you're living in the present. When you can just take a long gaze out and say - I think this is where I'd like to be.
It's hard to plan for the future when you're not content with where you are. And that's hard too - I don't want you to walk away from this saying - well I'm not content with where I am so it's hopeless. Remember those dark moments have lessons. In fact they have the RICHEST lessons. What can you learn from this moment, a dark time? Can you forgive yourself for being in this moment of darkness and say - this is a lesson and I will keep my eye to the future. But for now I have to LIVE this as it is. This isn't what I want. But this is what I have. And what I have, I can find gratitude for it.
Contentment is also - I made a mistake. I'm human. It's ok to be human. I am content with being human (I have no other choice but to be human). I will be here NOW and be better in the NOW.
Everything starts from this very moment.
With Love, Christina