I wrote the following as a part of my yoga teacher training application in 2017:
I began seriously doing yoga in July 2016 as a way to cope with crippling anxiety. It took time to learn all the different aspects of yoga, but I immediately saw the benefits in mind and body. As I continued with my yoga practice, I started to feel a revolution within me. At the end of each class, as we would move through Pigeon, Supine Twist, and Savasana, my mind would slow and I would start to cry. The sadness came from deep within; I could feel the energy of my heart pulling at me. The more I practiced the more I got down to the heart of my fear. I realized that I was not being honest in my life. I was holding something inside that was plunging me deeper and deeper into a hole of anxiety. The more I realized and admitted this, the more it became clear to me what had to be done.
One night in December, I stayed in Savasana after everyone had left. I was on the edge of something. There was an energy pulsing through me that said it was time to change. So, I did it. I jumped into my truth.
It was a long winter. I learned that being truly, deeply honest is actually one of the hardest things you could ever ask of yourself. Everyone says follow your heart, but what it takes to do that is some major guts. Even though most of my time was spent feeling broken, yoga gave me time to be whole. Even in a time of great upheaval, I felt powerful in my poses: the way I would rise with control into Warrior II, the way I balanced in Tree Pose, and the way I looked so graceful in Dancer. I looked straight at myself in the mirror during those poses and saw someone who was doing the right thing, even though it hurt so deep and dark.
Yoga brought me to this place of honesty. Yoga sustained me during difficult times of change. Yoga gives me the space and time to continue my recovery. This is my truth, and I would not have it any other way.
- 2017 Christina